My Life's Journey

Stepping Stones and Mountain Tones:

This page contains a collection my deepest thoughts and insights.  Some are prayers, some are poems and some are just sharing words of encouragement giving to me that I want to share with You:

May God Pour Out His Blessings upon your life today!

 

We Walk Away!

[From a Soldiers Heart]

We walk away from our family and friends and join the fight to Defend our Freedoms and the Freedoms of our Allies.

We have seen so much hurt and death, we try to forget, we try hide the pain, we seek a place of solitude to find some refuge from all the noise around us.  When solitude and a little rest finally comes, we are awaken by a familiar sound, the fighting and the fear, and the the planes flying overhead, and the people running and there, seeking cover and refuge.  And at the end of the Tour, once again We Walk Away.

We come back home, we try to allow those loved one and friends that we left behind, to once again become a part of our coming home.  But there are still times that we need to walk away, to find some solitude and peace of mind.  Even though, we truly want and need those we love to come around us and share our pain, to help drown the tears, that seem to come now more than before, and our hearts and shattered minds are left alone.  

We come back home in hope of finding reason and understanding for why we sacrifice so much for people who could care less about the cause of our pain.  But we get hit by every bullet inscribed with every cruel word we hate you for what you do.  We get lost within the deciet--betrayal and distrust, for atime we were fooled by fake concern.  In angry dismay, we turn and walk away!

We come back home and seek comfort and friendship with those who have shared and seen our nightmare, some may we have created on our own!  Where love and trust is just a hope and hate and cruelty is all that's shown.  And it seems that no one really cares at all, about how we feel.  Because none of them know the feeling of truly beiing real in a living nightmare called War.  So, in utter dismay and discuss, we turn and Walk Away!

 

    

 

This Hurt Inside

My screams of pain and being alone

Screamed so loud the world could hear.

I scream not at you, but at the world, I scream at God because he allowed the pain.  I sceamed at myself...you are not good to be around.

Something is wrong and I can't figure it out, it's in my head day and night, I try to block it out.  I cry through the night, in the morning I hide in the rain because deep inside I feel like I am going insane.

I can't explain it...it's in my headand all I want to do walk up on the mountain trail and scream out eh words of my agonizing pain,

Because deep inside my heart is filled with the dark clouds of endless rain.  I can't explain it....the words I cannot say

When I rtry to speak the words I feel....the pain cuts deeper and I cannot say what I truly feel---without hurting those I love or pushing them away.  This hurt has once again taken over--eating at my heart...takingmy life and turning it upside down, and tearing it apart.  It's hurts everyone I love and it doesn't seen to care or show any concern for the pain.  The tears that I cry is the guilt that I carry for the hurtful words my pain has said. And noone can stop it----this hurt I feel inside.

All that I wish for me.....is my heart to again be free----Free from the guilt and free from the pain----Free from this hurt that I can't explain.  To see myself laughing again, to see myself making others laugh again, to have peace in my heart again....because it seems that all this hurt---is just burning down bridges that still need to be.

This hurt inside me is driving crazy, and to think that is hurting the one's that truly love me, is breaking my heart.  This hurt inside of me---it's making me insane----and this pain I cannot explain.  

This hurt inside of me----I cannot control, it eats at the warmth of my heart and makes me cold---numb to the reality of the life I live.  Numb to the hope that I could survive and emerge on the other side. 

The time that this hurt inside has stolen and the peace it has quinched, writing my poems and following my dreams, hurting my family and betraying my friends, not letting me love or be loved, there is only a hope that this stupid--hurtful thiing would end.  I am left with nothing but the bitter taste of broken trust, it seems there is nothing left to hold on to, no reason to laugh----only a reaason for tears.

This hurt that is inside me, is living for me---not letting me live.  Not letting me love or letting me give of myself, it eats away all my energy and strength. Letting me watch everyone around me strive---while I barely hold on to survive.  

Each waking day I hold on tighter---not loosening my grip, because I know that one day---this things---this pain---this grief, will no longer be.  And I will be free to laugh and love, allow myself to be love again, and be able to ignore the voices of this hurt inside has said.

I'll be able to love and let myself be loved, be able to run and even walk with peace and calm.  Able to sleep and dream without hearing the voices of the hurt that hides in the shadows.  I'll be able to hug, trust, and have faith for the unknown.  And be able to embrace those who have shown me love through the hurt inside me.

To be me again---that's all I want---that's all I crave.  To be there for other's who fight to ignore the hurt inside.     

 

 

     

BROKEN!

My Heart Lies Broken on the Floor

Last night before I went to bed, my head and heart were spinning with thoughts of people saying that I'm broken and vain, that that I push everyone away. But my heart hurts with the pain that it feels from those I have tired to allow in my life.  I do try hard to ignore the voicestelling me that I'm broken and worthless.  I looked around the room no pictures on the wall could I see, no existance of family or me.  the night turned into early morning, I tried to sleep but the voices won't leave me....so when I woke I knew I couldn't hide all the pain still shouting inside.

My tears they say are self-pity, you're being fake they shout,then I walked around the house, I give in and start to doubt, I don't understand I cry out!

Why do I seem to push everyone away, am I broken and no good for anyone like they say?  The broken past  I thought I'd left behind and the broken bridges I've let burn down, have come back block my path once again.

Before I woke my heart was breaking, before I woke the tears agian would flow, I cried out once again....God why am I so broken?  Why can't I allow love to live in my heart again...am I so broken?  

All I could hear when I woke, all I could hear was....you are broken ....you are not good enough....it is your fault....you are the cause of your broken heart

Again I ask God, why am I so broken?  Am I uncapable of allowing love to live in my heart again?     

I Trusted You----You Betrayed Me!

[A letter to a friend I thought was true and loyal]

When we met---though the years were far between us, we became the closest of friends. I opened up my life to you brcause I saw some potential in what I had to share with you as my friend.  Thinking that I could trust you no matter what obstacles might try to come between us.  I let you into my life because I saw a part of me in your eyes, you wanted true friends around you, but were afraid to trust anyone to be that close.  I let you into my life, because I truly thought that you would see me for who I really was, and you betrayed me----I won't do it again!  At least that's what I told myself, and then I would give you another chance, only to be betrayed again.  I let you see the deepest, most vulnerable part of me, I even allowed you to see just how fragile my heart really is---eventhough I wore this mask and cloak of strength and courage, and you seemed as if you truly and genuinely cared and were not swayed by my attempts to hide my pain.  When things got rough--you were right there, and when things weren't going so great for you, I would drop what I was doing to come running to help you.  There was never any question as to whether our friendship was solid or not.  

When you needed a place to live, I dropped what I was doing to make sure you weren't left out in the cold.  When I reached out to you for help, you always did whatever you could to help.  But as the Summer was coming to an end, our friendship didn't seem to be all that strong any more.  we had been the closest of friends for over three years and I thought our friendship was "Rock Solid", but I guess I was wrong.  I thought I had done something wrong, something to drive you away.  So, I gave it  a little time, and then for a while we started back up as if nothing had happened, and you seemed to be that firend that was closer to me than a brother.  Things got really tough for me and I thought my life was over.  But then again things seem to get better, our friendship was getting stronger agin, or at least I thought it was, and again I was wrong!  The friendship that I thought was a strong Iron Sharpening Iron Friendship, was really a Stone grinding against the blade to dull my spirit and crush my spirit of trusting someone who says he is a friend and will be there no matter what! I won't ever----and can't trust you like that again!  You were only concerned with what you wanted and what I could do for you.

I Trusted You----You Betrayed Me!                 

 

Seeking Wisdom and Understanding

 

A deeper spiritual life cannot grow without daily seeking direction through God's Word, through Prayer and Meditation.  If we seek wisdom and understanding in this life, then we must be willing to first seek God 's perfect direction for that journey.

I believe that the truth and wisdom, the knowledge and understanding, are all found in every path that we take in our journey through this life.  The tools that are provided in God's Word for us to face each new journey, should be the Corner Stone of the Faith that you stand on as a child in Christ Jesus.  Just as Jesus is the Corner Stone on which God designed this world that we live in.  

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everythiing.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.         If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.    

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ." 

[Philippians 4:6-7]             

Believe In Yourself:

The hardest thing to do after burning those bridges to toxic relationships is learning all over again to just "Believe in Yourself", to believe in the abilities that you always had, But being in that relationshipjust drained you of who you truly are, and you gave all of your energy trying to make that relationship work----only to find out that you were the only one putting forth any really true and honest effort to make it work!  

The best that you did for yourself----was to sever that relationship and run arcoss that Bridge into the Refuge of Freedom, freedom from all the hurt, freedom from all the lies and betrayal, freedom from all the false blame, freedom from all the undeserved guilt that you allowed to be poured out on you, and to the freedom to reclaim the person you were brfore all hell tried to cave in on you, and to the freedom to believe in yourself again!

If you feel that you are defeated even after you have walked away from a long fought battle to keep a relationship alive, and you still feel like you have lost the  confidence in your ability to win, sit down, take a pen and paper and make a list, not of all the negative factors against you, but a list of those things lift you up, the things and people and positive factors that make you start to believe in yourself again!

NO ONE CAN MAKE YOOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION!

Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal abilities and your worth come to mind, stop and deliberately---voice a Positive thought about who you truly are, I mean the true---fun loving and carefree spirit your truly are, deep inside.

Don't build up obstacles in your imagination, don't sabotage your confidence in your God-given abilities, by allowing nagative thoughts to depreciate who you really are.  Don't be awestruck by other people and try to copy them or adjust your character to impress them----just be you!  Nobody can be you as efficiently as you can.  Just believe in yourself.  Make a true estimate of your own abilities and talents, those are the things that make you who you are.  Remind yourself that God is with you and nothing can defeat you. 

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!           

  

 

 

Putting the Past Behind Me---

[A New Beginning]

This year, I have chosen to put my past behind me, counting all things, failures, lost loves, hurts, mistakes, and disappointments as lost.  I have started a New Journey to walk and live as a true man of God, looking to my Creator, the Father of all Mankind.

This is my prayer-------

Abba-Father God, in Jesus' Name I ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit in the decisions I must make in my life as I start this New Journey, and a New Season of my life.  Grant me the Strength and Courage I need to look back on my past hurts, failures and disappointments, as Stepping Stones.  Grant me the Courage and Strength to endure the Stroms and Obstacles that may come my way.  I Give You Thanks in whatever situations that I may find myself, let the Highs and the Lows become Opportunities to glorify You in all that I say and do.  That I have a neverending Revival of the Soul and my Spiritual Walk, so that I might receive the Blessings of Your Favor and Grace, and share them with others.  

That my heart and mind will remain pure in thought and deed, and in speech.  So that prayer, praise, worship, thanksgiving and revival are a never ending part of my life, and that my life will be a mirror image of Jesus' character, and a reflection of God's grace.  Make me a man after God's own heart.

 

  

Psalm 123:

"I lift up eyes to You whose throne is in heaven.  As the eyes of slaves look to the land of their master, as the eyes of a handmaid looks to the hand of her mistress, So our eyes look to the Lord our God, 'til He shows us His mercy.

Have mercy on us O Lord, have mercy on us, for we have endured much contempt, we ahve endured much ridicule from the proud, much contempt from the arrogant."

                                                                        [Selah]

"I lift up my voice and hands in humble praise and worship to You, Lord, for all You have done in my life,      O Lord my God, I take my refuge in You.     

Lead me, and guide me in all Your ways, search my heart to make it pure in Your righteousness; because the ways of the world are ever before me.           

I find it hard to maintain at all times a pure heart and remain pure in thought; Yet, O Lord; You do not reject me when I stumble or fall;

Your Grace and Compassion are always covering my life,  I praise You and give You Glory and Honor for the valleys that You have brought me through."   Amen!     

  

 

In Silence I Cry!                                       

There have been times when I have taken refuge in the sanctity of my dreams, and traveled to far away places seeking my own space, a Place deep within my own thoughts, where no one knows my pain and asks no questions.

In this place hidden deep within, I have hidden all my pain of the day-to-day rain, and the anger that is all around me, I have taken refuge there.  I feel as though God is silent to my prayer's, my voice He has not heard, for my tears He has not given me comfort, though I pray with hope in His promise to protect me, still my God who I trust, to take the pain away, remains silent to my cry.  So, in silence I cry, in my silence will I die?  

In my death---will I finally achieve perfect solitude, or will I find comfort when I wake?  Will I take refuge in the bosom of those who say they love and care for me?  

And now as I awaken from my solitude and silence, the Voice of my God I hear, I know now that He has not forsaken me, nor has He turned His ear from my cry.  The Silence I thought was rejction, was only my Heavenly Father listening to all that was on my heart and mind.  

I know now that He is only Silent for a Season, and when I seek Him, and Cry out to Him, all that I ask in Jesus' Name with a truly humble heart and seek His Will, He is Gracious to Grant my prayer's with His Perfect Timing and Reason.    

 

He Said--Come,

Walk With Me

Just One More Mile!

 

I have walked this road many times before, but never as I did today, Never have I seen the life that goes on alon gthe way, as I have today.  As I was walking in the freshness of the dawning sun, I looked up to see a man standing straightway in the road ahead of me.  I greeted Him with a warm hello----He said nothing, except to ask, if He might walk with me for a while?  So, we walked together down the road that leads to the seashore.    So we walked, He began to tell me of things that had already happened in my life, as if He were reading them from a book.  He spoke that were yet to come in my days ahead, He told me if the trials and persecutions that would befall me because of my convictions of my faith.  He spoke as a Teacher to His student, and He spoke with me as a loving and caring friend.  He spoke of things that I had lerned as a child, and of the knowledge I had gained as a young man.  He spoke of the knowledge and wisdom I will gain in the years to come.    

 

 

As we walked along the seashore, He showed me all that He had created for me to enjoy as I walked through this life.  He spoke of all the talents that He had given me, and asked what I had done with them?  I knew that He need not ask, because He already knew.  He praised me for my accomplishments, and comforted me for my failures.  He told me taht I need not have any fear whenever I fail at something, but just to just put my trust in His Strenght and would see me through any and all situations that I may encounter in my life.

As we walked and talked with one another, I felt as if thee was nothing that I couldn't talk to Him about or pour out my heart to Him about how I felt about things. 

He has shown me such compassion and true friendship.

I wondered and asked----will I ever be able to show such compassion to those who would look to me for strength and guidance?  And will I ever be able to truly give of myself unconditionally whenever a stranger or loved one asks of me?  Will I ever give of myself without measure, never asking anything in return? 

He just smiled warmly, and said---you have already been doing all of that, and whenever you feel you can't do that, look to me and I will help you.   

Then He put His arm around me and said----

Come; Walk With Me Just One More Mile!     

 

Try Prayer Power!

Prayer is the greatst Power available to the Individual in solving his or her personal problems.

Its power astonishes me, because Prayer Power 

Is the Manifestation of Spiritual Energy!

And Prayer is the Purest way to enter into 

God's Presence!

 

Believe In Yourself:

10---SIMPLE RULES:

Believing in yourself and having faith in your abilities; trusting that God will be right there through everything tht you do, and having the Courage to to follow the Dreams that He has put in your heart; is the key to your success!  Seeing yourself just as God sees you is sometimes really hard, without a humble, but reasonable confidence inthe power that God has giving you, you cannot be successful or truly happy.  If you allow yourself to ahve a sense of inferiority or inadequacy, it will interfere with the attainment of your hopes and dreams, but self-confidenceleads to the realization that you are what God says that you are and not what the world wants you to be. 

Here are Ten-Simple---Workable rules for overcoming Inadequacy and Attitudes of feelinf Inferior and learning to have faith, courage and confidence.

1:  Formulate and Stamp Indeliby on your mind, a mental picture of yourself as being successful. Hold on to this picture tenaciously.  Never permit ti to fade.Your mind will seel to develop this picture by whatever you hold tight to as the goals that want to attain.  Never allow yourself to think that you will fail just because someone thinks that you might fail; never doubt the reality of the mental image.  That is most mangerous, because the mind always tries to compete with what is truly in your heart.  Soalways picture Your Success, no matter how badly things seem ot be going at the moment, because it's only a moment, and that little moment does not define you.  

 2:  Whenever a Negtive Thought concernng your abilities given to you by our Heavenly Father; Deliberately Voice a Positive Thought and ask God for His Peace of Mind and Cancel it Out!

 3:  Do Not build up obstacles in your immgination.  When obstacles pop up in your path, renounce them and don't even give them the energy to derail your dreams.  Difficultiesmay arise during your quest, but they must be seen for what they are; just an obstacle that needs to be acknowledged and then move them out of the way.  Don't let them inflated by fear or doubt.

 4:  Do Not be Awestruck by other people's success and try to copy them.  Nobody can be You as effectively as You are.  That's why God made each one of us Unique in our own ways and character.  Just remember this: Most people, despite their Confident Appearance ans Demenor, are just as scared as you are and just as doubtful of themselves.

 5:  Ten-Times a dayor how ever many times it takes---Repeat these words to yourself "Out Loud", "IF GOD BE FOR ME, THEM WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME?" {Romans 8:31}  Okay! -----STOP READING NOW; walk over to the mirror, then repeat them Slowly and Confidently to yourself!

 6:  Surround yourself with people who can help you to understand why you have such a passion for what you want to acomplish.  Whenever those doubts start to jump up in your face; learn the origin of those feelings of Inferiority and Self-Doubt ; feelings that so often start in early childhood.  Your Knowledge of how God sees you will lead to a cure of those doubts.

 7:  Ten Times each day practice following this Affrimation, repeating it Put Loud if possible.  "I can do all htings through Christ who Strengthens me."{Philippians 4:13}.  OK!  Here we go again!  STOP READING---RIGHT NOW----Repeat those words several times.  That magic statement is the most powerful anidote on earth to destroy thoughts of Inferiority.

 8:  Make a true estimate of your abilities, the abilities that God has given to you to accomplish what you have such a passion for.  Then raise that estimate by 10-percen; but don't yourself become Egotistical, but develop a wholesome Self-Respect.  Believe in Jehovah God, in in your own God-Given, and God released Powers!

 9:  Put yourself in God's Hands.  To do that---Simply State and Affirm: 

"I am in God's Hands and I will accomplish what ever He ahs given me the dream to Pursue."  Then, Believe that you are NOW Receiving all the Power you need.  "Feel" it flowing into you and through you!  Affirm that the "Kingdom of God is within you!  {Luke 17:21}, in the form of adequate power ot meet life's demands.

10:  Remind yourself that God is with oyu and nothing can defeat you or stop you from accoplishing your dreams.  Believe that you now RECEIVE Power from Him!

The Secret to your success is to fill oyur mind thoughts of Faith, Confidence, and Security.  This will Force OUt or Expel all thoughts of Doubt and all feelings Failure or Defeat!                     

 

Getting Through The Tough Times:

 

Quote From: LIVE BOLD DAILY KICKSTART DEVOTIONALS FOR MEN:

"There are times when we are 'sent to Bethlehem' grumbling and wondering why we ahve to stray away from our plans."

Traveling down new a new path doesn't typically come easy or fit into our idea of life as we see it.  It could be a rough unmarked trail.

God has a way of working wa ahead of us, preparing the scene for His Grace to take the main rolw in our life when we arrive.

Sometimes we don't understand the present situation or the crazy thingsunfolding around us, but we must stay on His Path.

When Christmas comes around each year, remember that God has a plan for your life and He has been working well in advance of your arrival.

Think about how God has unfolded your plan so far; if things aren't going so great right now, then find some friends that may be feeling the same as you are hrough the Ho;iday Season and hang on to each each other and help each other through the Tough Times.  Don't forget to include God the Father; Jesus our Loving Savior and the Holy Spiritat the top of the Friend List: 

A Bridge To Cross:

 

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does wnlarge the future."

------Paul Boese------

"Without Forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation." -----Roberto Assagioli-----

"He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for everu man has need to be forgiven."  ----Author Unknown----

"The one attitude which gives rise to hope amidst misunderstanding and ill will is aforgiving spirit.  Where forgiveness becomes the atmosphere, there hope and healing are possible." ---C. Neil Strait---

"Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. 

It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selffishness," ----Author Unknown----

"Love's power does not make fussy hstorians.  Love prefers to tuck the loose ends of past rights and wrongs in the bosom of forgiveness --and pushes into a new start."                              -----Lewi B. Smedes-----

"Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.  Not toforgive is to yield oneself to another's control.....to be locked into a sequence of act and response, of outrage and evenge, tit for tat, escalating always.  The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past.  Forgiveness frees the forgiver.         It extracts the forgiver from someone else's nightmare."                            ---Lance Morrow---

"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemy."                                                                                -----Nelson Mandela-----       

If there is a bridge in your life that you need to cross today; then I urge you to sit down and ask God to show you which bridges you might have to cross to mend a broken relationship or what bridges you may just have to burn down and let flow down the river.  Take a pad and pen, and write a letter to those that you may need to forgive or maybe it's someone that you need to ask for their forgiveness for something that you did or said that destroyed their trust in you, but you just don't know what to say to them, because  you are afraid that they won't accept your apology.  Or maybe you need to write that letter to yourself to help you to cross that bridge to forgive yourself for the failures that you had no control over in the first place.  If there are bridges that need to be burned that keep you connected to the past that haunts your heart and mind, then burn them, and run to the Loving Arms of Jesus; He is standing there ready to run to you as you run to Him.  If that bridge is over very troubled waters in your career and crossing that bridge is leading to something that you have been taking to the Father in earnest prayer, because the opportunity to move forward in your life and the Holy Spirit is urging you to trust in His Guidance to sever ties with the present job that you have and lay hold to where God has opened a door to on the other side of the bridge, then get up and walk across that bridge with all confidence and don't look back.  Some bridges may lead to new relationships and some may help you to renew old or broken relationships, and some bridges may lead you to new adventures in a new seasons of your life.....but  you will never know if you don't follow what heart is showing you to do!

Since I have come back to the place where my heart drew me to chase new adventures; there have been some bridges that were over some pretty dangerous and threatening waters, and there were some bridges that were over very calm and peaceful waters, but if I had never crossed them, I would never have known the Peace that trusting in God's Promise would bring.  Forgiveness is not always easy for us when the pain is so deep and the hurt just won't go away; but, when we learn to forgive ourselves for the things that we cannot control, then listening to God's voice and forgiving other's seems to be easier to do than forgiving ourselves.

I hope that whatever Bridges you need to cross or to burn down, that you will find peace in the process.  And may your Journey bring new adventure your way!       

Stand Up For Yourself:

 

Remember These Things and Stnd Firm:

{say them out loud if you need to}

Let the Enemy {Satan} know that he IS NOT in control}

1.  I Will Not be Managed!

2.  I Will Not be Handled!

3.  I Will Not be Manipulated or Oppressed!

4.  I Will Not be Controlled or Restrained!

5.  I Am the person God made me to be and I have a Good heart, and I Will Always Strive to live as God Guides me each new day!

6.  The Lies of the Enemy Will Not Break my Spirit!

7.  There is No One Person who can Control another, or make them feel Inferior without their permission!

8.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

 

On Silence:

Sometimes Silence, is just God holding me in HIs hands!

 

When I really stop and think about it, when I am just so exhausted and just feel like curling up and shuting out the world, if I am just wanting some peace and quiet, and I just can't seem to find any rest or comfort, I just crawl up into My Father's Hands and cry myself to sleep.

There are times when I just want to hear God say that everything is going to be alright, and make all the pain go away, but all I hear is Silence.  Then I hear that certain song that calms my heart, and calms the storm in my life.

And I realize that the slience that was hearing was just God Holding me in His Hands. 

 

Getting Back Your Joy--Walking with Jesus Daily:

The End Of Me....So that There's More Room For Jesus! 

The other day I was doing my Morning Devotionals and it Stated that if I wanted to sever arelationship that was doing nothing but dragging me downand holding me back from what God has planned for me; I just need to sit down and write a letter to that person.  So, I did.....and I don't mind sharing that with you all.  Simply because I think it might hit home, just like it was intended to do for me.  It's called "A Letter To Me:"

A LETTER TO ME----------------

Dear Me;

I have known you for as long as I can remember.  I once heard that there is        "A Friend that sticks closer than a Brother", and yes that's us.  Though I doubt it's what the Proverbs was talking about.  I have been close to a lot of different people, but you and me!  We have quite an attachment.  Looking back over the years, there were many times that I treated you pretty well; I protected you when no one else would even lift a finger to help you, as a matter of fact, more times than I can count---I have put you ahead of anything and everythingelse, Right! And of course there were equally a lot of times when I wasn't so good to you.     I allowed people to manipulate and to use you just to keep peace or to get something from them that was really meant for you as a Blessing in the first place.  I made you feel guilty about things that were never really your fault.  And allowed you to carry emotional pain for so long that it caused you have health problems.  I encouraged you to whining and complaining about things until you got your way----all the while looking humble and unassuming. And then when things started to fall apart and you started not to even care much about bills, responsibilities, or the consequences that would follow, or what would happen tomorrow; I just sat back and watched and did nothing to stop you.  I have said more than a few harsh words on your behalf to and about certain people as well about you, and you never warned me about any of this mess, and the fact that I couldn't unsay what I said.  Whenever we would post things on social media, some people thought that we were living the life, but they don't really see how your life is, but I do.  People who say they  are your friend, really aren't your friends at all, and you still give them the benefit of the doubt; well that may be because they aren't trying to manipulate you, and maybe they are just trying to figure out where they fit into your life, or maybe it's the other way around.  

You don't go out much anymore, not you use to, we don't go bike riding or take long walks, or go hiking like we use to, you just kind of isolate yourself from everyone and everything, and that's not good at all, and it's not like you  to do that, but this past year have been less available than you have ever been for a few years.  You seek the Answers from God as to why all these things are happening to you and why people seem to shy away or act as though you just don't exist.  Well, I have to tell you, you ahev allowed yourself to feel this way and there just wasn't much I could do to get you to get up and move forward.I love you, "ME", and God has shownyou the answers in His Word that He loves you, and that what other people think or say really doesn't matter, but in a way it does matter, because if people don't really see the Jesus living in you the way that you say that He does, then what people say about will matter, and it will bother you even more.  I just cannot keep living for you like this any more.  You always insisted that if I just keep you happy, things would get better, and it's as simple as that.  But, you know what!  It's not as simple as that at all, and it never has been.  Me; I have let you be in control and sit in the drivers seat for way too long, but it's clear to me that you just cannot be trusted any more.  You keep insisting that you know the way that we should go, but it always seems to be a dead end.  You seem to crawl into this little cacoon where you think that you will be safer there and in a way you are, but you are still isolated from those who really are your friends, but they just don't really know how to approach you.  So, here's the thing, I have decided to begin a new journey down a different road, a different path.  It's narrow and difficult and not many choose to walk it, (but the funny thing is, you asked me to walk that same road with you ounce before, what happened?); this path leads to a real and abundant life.  However, and this really isn't easy to say, and there really isn't any easy way to say it, but i cannot walk down this new path or start this new journey, if I take you with me.  So---Me, this is the end of you----this is the end of us!

Sincerely. from my heart.......good-bye.

ME:

Lord Jesus, I Thank You for opening my eyes to see wht I have been doing to sabotage my own life.  Help me tonight, and throughout the next few days, to think and meditate on the words from Galatians 20:2.  "My old self has been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.  I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

In Your Precious Name Jesus, I Pray, Amen.

I hope if this is something that you may need to do because you have allowed the enemy to keep you chained to your past hurts and pain.  Then pray about it first and then write what the Holy Spirit truly puts in your heart to say, and rught the letter just as if you were writing to some one who you have trusted for years as your best friend.                                      

 

A Legacy of Pain---[The Pain of a Broken Heart]

 

I have grown to know what a Legacy of Pain really means;while it may or may not have been intentional, the pain of a broken heartstill remains.  Even though many of us have experienced having ou8r hearts broken by someone we love or care about very much, there are some people who can rise above it when friends and, or family come along side to stand with them, laugh with them, cry with them and continue to walk through life with them no matter how far apart those relationships may be, that is---how many miles there is between.                     

Jesus is that friend, He never abandones you, He never says No; I just don't have the time to deal with your pain; nor does He ever say---"Well, things will get better" and then turn and walk off and sit, and watch to see what happens to you.  He was betrayed and abandoned by those that were suppose to be His friends and family, so He knows what Pain is.  He knows what having a broken heart feels like.  We experience it in many different ways; a father or a mother abandoning their child, not wanting anything to do with them, or a parent being told that they can't have a relationship with their children, visa-versa, a freind, or a spouse betraying you; not being acknowledged on your birthday, or Mother's Day, or even Father's Day; the list could go on and on, but the Legacyof that Pain doesn't have to.  Jehovah God; our Heavenly Father, will never--ever Abandone us.  But still there is one other thing that can break this Legacy of Pain---of a Broken Heart.  If you have reached out to the person or persons who brokeyour heart and they refuse to acknowledge what they have done to cause you pain, then give it all to God and let Him take control of it.  Even if it means not celebrating a certain day or event because it bbrings back the pain that hurts so much that the Joy last only as little while, but then the tears come because you really long for the joy to last for more than a moment.  It sounds like giving upon joy, but it's really not, it's a way for you allow God to heal that broken heart.  And that does take time----How long?  Only God can answer that.  I know because it ahs been nad there are still pieces of my broken heart that just haven't been healed yet.                       

Stepping Stones:

 

The next time you find yourself weighed down by life's Pressures, decisions or failures; an it seems like there is no no way out.  Then you be about to discover just how Close and caring God really is!  It's through life's most rying times that we learn, that God is always by our side, He has never left to be on ur own, He loves us, He wants only the best for us, and He is ready, willing, able and waiting to bring about positive results from everything that happens to us--even troubles, if we only let Him help us.  Each difficulty, each trial, every little disappointment, can becaome a Stepping Stone that can lead us to Higher Ground, a Better Path, to another Journey that will bring us closer to the Destiny that God desires for us to live out.

Five years ago when I started feeling as though things were starting to cave in around me, I tried to figure out by my own strength, why things are always against me, rather than things going for me.  The more I tried to hold things together, the more they started coming unraveled.  I thought that the steps I was taking, were leading me to a higher opportunity in a more positive direction.      I thought there wasn't any obstacle that I couldn't overcome.  The problem with that kind of thinking was, that I was trying to overcome them with my strength, thinking that I was leaning on God's Strength.  Instead, of the Difficulties, Disappointments and Trials,, becoming Stepping Stones leading me  to Higher Ground, they became Stumbling Blocks, that would hinder my path to my true destiny.  The lies, deceptions, and betrayal, these were things that I had dealt with before. I thought I had given them all to God, but then I stepped back and tried to fix them on my own because I thought that is what God wanted me to do. I learned within just  afew months that the enemy had already layed out his plan to use those stumbling blocks to destroy a business that I had spent seven years building, by getting my focus off of God and His Perfect Plan, off of His Strength and trying to fight the battle on my own.  The lies, deception and the betrayal, all came from those closest to me in this Business Venture, my Caleagues.  The thing is, I saw it coming "sort of", but I didn't even see the Blind Sided Attack that would come so-called friends, especially when I thought that I had moved to Higher Ground. 

GOD'S LOVING PLAN:

God has promised in His Word, "All things work together for good to those who love Him."  He will never let anything happen to us, His children, that isn't for our own good.  Although, a lot of things may have happened to us that didn't seem very good for us at the time, we'll find out sooner or later, if we haven't alrready; that in some way they were good for us to go through. I know that God's answer's to our prayers are infinitely perfect; but sometimes He doesn't answer the way that we want or expect that He will, because He sees ahead, and knows that our desires would and could harm us, or others if He were to grant them.  More often than not, we later find out that what we were asking for was actually a stone that looked like bread, while God was trying to give us bread that in our short-sightedness looked like a stone. When we are short-sighted in our requests to God in prayer, what we ask for can end up being Stumbling Stones instead of being Stepping Stones.

 

THE DARKEST TIMES:

There are times when God's purposes aren't exactly or sometimes not immediately clear to us, but we can always rest assured that we're in God's care and that things will work together for our good in the end, in God's perfect timimg.  When we are going through trying times, and the storms of life, in spite of difficulty, in spite of the confusion, in spite of the loss, in spite of the disappointments and heartbreaks, we must hold on to the knowledge and hope that God loves us and will never abandone us.  His love is unchangeable, unchanging, unconditional, unfailing, and unending.  No matter what happens, no matter how dim the outlook might seem to be, no matter how difficult the battle may seem, no matter how long and how dark the tunnel or path may be, no matter how severe the storm, and no matter how deep the hurt may be; know that God loves us.  He loves us so much that Jesus opened His up armswide to show just how much, how deep, and how wide His Love is for us.  He isn't stingy with His love.  He doesn't give out a little here and a little there, nor do we have to do anything to earn it.  he always pours out His love freely and abundantly without measure.  Even through the most trying times, Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. 

"Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me."  Jesus is there in the darkest of times, He is in middle of the trials.  He is there in the middle of all the confusion.  Heis there in the depths of our darkest nights.  He is there because loves us dearly.  He is there to help us through to the other side of the storm.  God doesn't like to see us suffer or be unhappy, but He knows those experiences will help us become the better man or woman, He knows we can be. 

 

OUR PATH TO GLORY:

When we come to the end of our present journey and look back at all that has happened to us, to either prevent from completing our journey, or the things we want to accomplish, other people who have been put in our path to help us along the way, especially when times get rough.  It will become clear, that the rocks that were thrown into our path, were not all placed there to cause us to stumble, but some of them were meant to used as Stepping Stones for Better Things.

So, no matter what hard turns your road may take along your journey; remember that Jesusis with you.  He cares, and He will cause even what you may think to be the worst situation or circumstances, to work out for your good.  He has promised that!     

         

 

                                   

Stepping Stones:

Walking On Eggshells:

 

Sometimesit doesn't matter what you say or what you do wether at work, at home at church or socializng with friends.  You try to do the right thing, say the right thing, you try not to step on anyone's toes or make waves.  You do as much as you are able to fit into the so-called Tight Family Unit that you have been led to believe really exists at the Work Place, Church, with Friendships and even in your own Family.  And you still end up walking on Eggshells.  Sometimes, really more times than I care to recount, I wonder if all this junk is really worth all the trouble; that is----"To continue to put myself out there so much", trying to fit in.  I really feel like I have lost my my compassion and my caring Heart.

Jesus, please help me to see everything through Your Eyes and through Your Heart.        

 

Honesty and Trust:

 

You know the one thing that I expect the most from peoplewho call themselves my friend; is total Honesty......                                                                          I mean Pure---Unwaivering Honesty.

There are a few people in the past twelve years that I have offered my Protection and  Guidance to because I truly believe that the things they have told meare completely above board and totally honest.  But, as things started to unfold, doubt started to enter into the picture and things started getting cloudy about the events that they were speaking aboutand trying to convince me of being true.  Jesus could always see right through to the Heart of the Matter.  But, then again He is our Sovereign Lord.  I have asked Him to help me to to see things through His eyes, before I make any rash descisions in confronting anyone else who is not being completely honest with me, before I allow myself to be dragged into something that I know that I don't really have the strength, resources or energy to be involved in.  I don't an won't abide in any friendship that is shrouded by Honesty and Deception!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 

5-Major Things to Look for in an Accountability Partner/Prayer Partner!

1.   A Friend who holds you up whenever you stumble:

      This kind of friend holds others up in prayerand lifts others up with                encouragement!

2.   A Friend who brings you back whenever you stray:

       This kind of friend feels free to confront you Biblically--even if it means risking the friendship itself; because this kind of friend is concerned with your spiritual wellfare!

3.   A Friend who will to speak the truth in love:

      A friend should correct those that they care for, not for selfish motives, but to help them grow in the likeness of Christ.

4.   A Friend who is loyal:

      It is important that you are there for your friendsespecially when they are going through hardships!

5.   A Friend who will faithfully encourage you to go to the Lord in prayer and pour out what is on your heart, and pray with you:

      A True Biblical Friend will always encourage you to run to God through prayer    and sharing God's Word!  You need a friend who is even willing to risk the friendship to hold you accountable. I recommend that you and your accountability partner be of the same gender,  because of the close nature of this kind of relationship.

Ask God to provide you with such a friend if  you do not already have one!

[This material was taken from the tape series "So Help Me God"];

by James McDonoald, taped by "Walk in the World:  

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